This one came to my attention via Legal Anitcs, a blog I subscribe to about legal humour. It seems the U.S. 6th Circuit Court of Appeals has a comedian sitting on the bench, Judge Boyce Martin. In the dissent of an opinion issued last week, Judge Martin asked the rhetorical question, “Without a signal that she understands that a contract is being made, how is one to know if she has truly accepted?” Alright, nothing unusual there. But then we get to the footnote to this rhetorical question which reads:

Homer Simpson talking to God: “Here’s the deal: you freeze everything as it is, and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. [no response] OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, please give me no sign. [no response] Thy will be done.” The Simpsons: And Maggie Makes Three (Fox television broadcast, Jan. 22, 1995).

So it seems we have a Simpsons’ fan on the bench, but it gets better. This isn’t the first time Judge Martin has attempted his hand at humour in his opinions. Judge Martin has practiced his stand up at least twice before. The first occurrence appeared in a footnote of an opinion just like this Simpsons’ quotation, in this concurring opinion he opined,

Instead, counsel spoke of such sophisticated planning that it believes is required under our case law that, in my opinion, only two types of criminals would be able to benefit from it: (1) perhaps a white collar criminal who keeps detailed records of the entire plan or (2) the James Bond movie villain, who prior to carrying out some grand scheme of world domination/annihilation, feels compelled to explain to anyone who will listen and in great detail (with intermittent villainous guffaws), each of the steps necessary to achieve his plan.

What did Judge Boyce use as reference for this statement, why this exchange of course,

See also Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (New Line Cinema 1997).
DR. EVIL: Scott, I want you to meet Daddy’s nemesis, Austin Powers.
SCOTT EVIL: Why are you feeding him? Why don’t you just kill him?
DR. EVIL: In due time.
SCOTT EVIL: But what if he escapes? Why don’t you just shoot him? What are you waiting for?
DR. EVIL: I have a better idea. I’m going to put him in an easily-escapable situation involving an
overly-elaborate and exotic death.
SCOTT EVIL: Why don’t you just shoot him now? Here, I’ll get a gun. We’ll just shoot him. Bang! Dead. Done.
DR. EVIL: One more peep out of you and you’re grounded. Let’s begin.

Prior to this exchange and then again following it, Dr. Evil describes in great detail the separate crimes necessary to achieve his plan for world domination. Thus, if our Government ever does find Dr. Evil (or chooses to prosecute him despite his recent decision to be “less evil,” see Austin Powers in Goldmember (New Line Cinema 2002)), he will be one of the few, if any, criminal defendants, able to argue, consistent with this Circuit’s precedent, that all of his various crimes were “related” for purposes of the Guidelines.

Finally, only a few weeks after the Austin Powers quotation appeared, Judge Martin tried his hand again at humour, again in a concurrence in which he stated after quoting the engravings on the Statue of Libety, “instead, in the halls of our immigration courts today, the sentiments all too often are more like ‘don’t let the door hit you on your way out.‘” Not his best work to be sure, but as the Simpsons’ quotation demonstrates, he’s still working hard to earn his judicial salary.

One does have to wonder though, is Judge Martin writing concurrences and dissents instead of agreeing with the majority simply to boost his comedic writing credentials? One this is certain, the Hollywood Writers’ Guild better watch out, they have some fierce competition on their hands.

Thanks to the blog Kentucky Law Review for blogging about the past instances of Judge Boyce’s humour.

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